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Our close companions for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered many hardships, which I admire. However, she has been constantly caught off guard by others. Her husband walked away, which came as a huge shock. Several of her friends drifted away during that time, since they had been only interested in him. She was stunned by her deeply. She made more effort toward our bond, likely realised better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, many in her circle have disappeared leaving her sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she was an excellent employee, and she left unaware of why things shifted.

Present Situation

Lately, we've both stepped back from work and are seeing time together, but I am finding the part I play between us is as the audience. I start discussion points but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. My effort is to propose factchecking and alternate views.

She's been organizing a holiday to a country I've visited repeatedly and resided in for some time. I attempted to offer advice, but this was unappreciated. She essentially only wanted me to confirm her choices. I've just ended four weeks in that country she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want in this role that walks away without explanation, yet I doubt she will ever grasp the consequences of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. But confrontation with the goal of resolution requires bravery and willingness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step is to state what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. Step two is to express how this makes you feel. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Emotions are your feelings, naturally. The third step involves requesting how the two of you can shift the interaction between you."

Consider that she also has her own side, so you need to be prepared to acknowledge it. An approach that works involves stating her:

"Now you talk and I promise to not say anything for a set time."

This can be effective to encourage understanding.

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject your concerns, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative regarding their experiences they won't abandon because their very survival depends upon it and it represents they've known. It's tough when there seems no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out like this before reflecting your perspective. And even if a resolution isn't found a fix, you'll have satisfaction that you've been truthful.